found the other keg... it's in the tree
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
