my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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