i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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