I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
