i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
