I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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