How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
