First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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