i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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