You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
