I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
