The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
