Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
