I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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