And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
