i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
