how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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