her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize