My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
