my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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