Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
