You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
