Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
