Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think your dad took our porno
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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