He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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