this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
