I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
