I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
