yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize