Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
