i think i have herpe
just one?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
