Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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