Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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