Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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