Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
