mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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