my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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