Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
