thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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