he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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