They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
