just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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