Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
