my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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