You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
