Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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