if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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