dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
