awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
