Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
