I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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