I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
