with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize