Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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