remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
