I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
