i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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