I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
