I think im going to throw up on grandma
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
