You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
