She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
