I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize