Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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