i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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