Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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