Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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