I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize