i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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