shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize