Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
