Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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