her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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