consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
