He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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