You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
