I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What happened to fro yo and sex?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
