Duck Duck Cougar?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
