Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
