we made out on top of his cat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
