I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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