still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize