I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
