May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
