i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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