That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
