Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
