well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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