just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
