i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
