I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
