i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
