Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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