Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
