Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
