i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
