I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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