i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
