At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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