Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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