Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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