I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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