You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
