You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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