I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
