i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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