I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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