I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
