Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
