I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
